Lately, friends in social media are increasingly uploading their adorable baby photos. There is also a sweet status about the struggle to conceive and give birth, or at least spread the wedding invitation. Naturally, because many of them whose age is mature. After graduating college, getting married and building a family is the dream of many people.
But it was not with me. Until now, I can still be found relaxing in the boarding room, alone, watching movies on the laptop while eating instant noodles. Still calm, not feeling "less" something.
Unlike most girls, until now I have no desire to marry. Childbirth then caring for a child does not become an ideal. If I close my eyes I do not have time to be a parent, for me it's okay.
If this sounds unusual, let me explain why.
Most people believe that every woman would want to be a mother. In fact, not always like that
Not all girls want to be mothers
"How ya Mbak, now still can not cook? Later if you already have children, they want to eat what? "
For many girls, the above questions are often heard in the ear. Since childhood, girls have been prepared to be a "good mother" so mature. Must be able to cook, clean, even choose the ideals that will not make them "forget the obligation" at home. A popular assumption is that all girls will automatically become wives and mothers, when in reality it is not so.
Although few in number, there are girls who since childhood never wanted to be a mother. There are also still hesitant and do not want to rush. Not that there's anything wrong with them. Not that they forget their nature.
But why have a uterus if you do not have children?
Well, supposing, not everyone who has a womb should have children - just as everyone who has legs should be marathon runners.
Not having offspring, either because of personal decisions or health conditions, yet does not make a person more despicable than women who become mothers. Childbirth and then raising a child is an option - not an obligation.
I know the severity of a mother's responsibilities. And I'm not sure I can do all that
When you have children, you live for him and breathe for him
I've always realized that having a child is not just about taking pictures of them while being funny and then uploading them to social media. Behind the cute baby pictures on Facebook and Instagram, their mother is exhausted. There were sleepless nights at all because of the crying little one and the tantrums all night. Sometimes children will require you to focus 100%, 120% power, 5000% love, and unlimited patience. Unfortunately, I do not feel that I have these four things.
I also realize, choosing to be a parent means having to compromise many things. Having a child is expensive. Many couples end up having to change jobs or move offices to get more established. In fact it could be that they prefer their former job. Conversely, many also end up stopping working and sacrificing their careers, because they do not believe in nanny and want to pay attention to the baby.
Until now I have not been willing to make such a compromise. Working makes me happy - especially if I can bring benefits to many people. If presented with choice, I would choose to have a career like that rather than being a mother. There are women who can go both ways at once, but I personally do not believe that I am capable.
If I had to sacrifice a career for the child, I was afraid to blame the child just because I failed to achieve the life I wanted. I am also afraid of being a parent who finally "enters" their dreams to their children - for failing to reach for them when they are young. If they have children later, I want them to be free to be anyone. Not depressed by parent's dream entrusted.
I think the strongest reason to have a child is because I want to. Not so that someone keeps in the old days (anyway children will usually go from home as adults), continue the offspring (because as we do not know our ancestors, our great-grandchild may not even know the names and biographies of our lives) (because children and parents can have a far different view of life).
And until now, I have not had a desire for it yet. After weighing it, I think I will be happy-happy even if not mother.
Admittedly, the question of mate is much more difficult to answer because of this
Question dating becomes difficult
It's been these past few years that I do not really have a special desire to have children. Before, I thought it was just a phase. "Maybe if you meet the right person, I'll want to be the mother of the children," I thought. But it was not that simple. The opposite happened: I realized that I could not undo my personal principle just because the person who meant to me had a different outlook on life. Meeting someone special never made me suddenly so want to have offspring.
Admittedly, this one position makes connecting with the opposite sex more complicated. It's been more than once a relationship has to be terminated because he absolutely wants a son or daughter, and I will not promise from the beginning. Is it sad? Of course. But if it is different, wise to force? Got a child or not is a life-changing decision, and I can not recklessly say yes.
Maybe one day, I will regret never containing and raising the baby. But instead of failing to love the childalone, it's better to regret something that never happened
prepare this when it will resign
Several times friends wonder at my unambiguous views on the prospect of being a mother. Probably because most of them always wanted to be parents, and because the desire to have children was so common that it was easy to assume that everyone was like that.
They often ask, "You're not afraid of it when you're old and you do not have a child?"
Scared, scared. I am afraid one day finally have a desire to conceive and raise a baby, but it is too old for that. Every fear like this comes to mind, what I usually do is to remember. Better to expect something that is no longer possible then regret - rather than having children then fail. Too many parents in this world abandon their child. I just do not want to be one of them.
But it was not with me. Until now, I can still be found relaxing in the boarding room, alone, watching movies on the laptop while eating instant noodles. Still calm, not feeling "less" something.
Unlike most girls, until now I have no desire to marry. Childbirth then caring for a child does not become an ideal. If I close my eyes I do not have time to be a parent, for me it's okay.
If this sounds unusual, let me explain why.
Most people believe that every woman would want to be a mother. In fact, not always like that
Not all girls want to be mothers
"How ya Mbak, now still can not cook? Later if you already have children, they want to eat what? "
For many girls, the above questions are often heard in the ear. Since childhood, girls have been prepared to be a "good mother" so mature. Must be able to cook, clean, even choose the ideals that will not make them "forget the obligation" at home. A popular assumption is that all girls will automatically become wives and mothers, when in reality it is not so.
Although few in number, there are girls who since childhood never wanted to be a mother. There are also still hesitant and do not want to rush. Not that there's anything wrong with them. Not that they forget their nature.
But why have a uterus if you do not have children?
Well, supposing, not everyone who has a womb should have children - just as everyone who has legs should be marathon runners.
Not having offspring, either because of personal decisions or health conditions, yet does not make a person more despicable than women who become mothers. Childbirth and then raising a child is an option - not an obligation.
I know the severity of a mother's responsibilities. And I'm not sure I can do all that
When you have children, you live for him and breathe for him
I've always realized that having a child is not just about taking pictures of them while being funny and then uploading them to social media. Behind the cute baby pictures on Facebook and Instagram, their mother is exhausted. There were sleepless nights at all because of the crying little one and the tantrums all night. Sometimes children will require you to focus 100%, 120% power, 5000% love, and unlimited patience. Unfortunately, I do not feel that I have these four things.
I also realize, choosing to be a parent means having to compromise many things. Having a child is expensive. Many couples end up having to change jobs or move offices to get more established. In fact it could be that they prefer their former job. Conversely, many also end up stopping working and sacrificing their careers, because they do not believe in nanny and want to pay attention to the baby.
Until now I have not been willing to make such a compromise. Working makes me happy - especially if I can bring benefits to many people. If presented with choice, I would choose to have a career like that rather than being a mother. There are women who can go both ways at once, but I personally do not believe that I am capable.
If I had to sacrifice a career for the child, I was afraid to blame the child just because I failed to achieve the life I wanted. I am also afraid of being a parent who finally "enters" their dreams to their children - for failing to reach for them when they are young. If they have children later, I want them to be free to be anyone. Not depressed by parent's dream entrusted.
I think the strongest reason to have a child is because I want to. Not so that someone keeps in the old days (anyway children will usually go from home as adults), continue the offspring (because as we do not know our ancestors, our great-grandchild may not even know the names and biographies of our lives) (because children and parents can have a far different view of life).
And until now, I have not had a desire for it yet. After weighing it, I think I will be happy-happy even if not mother.
Admittedly, the question of mate is much more difficult to answer because of this
Question dating becomes difficult
It's been these past few years that I do not really have a special desire to have children. Before, I thought it was just a phase. "Maybe if you meet the right person, I'll want to be the mother of the children," I thought. But it was not that simple. The opposite happened: I realized that I could not undo my personal principle just because the person who meant to me had a different outlook on life. Meeting someone special never made me suddenly so want to have offspring.
Admittedly, this one position makes connecting with the opposite sex more complicated. It's been more than once a relationship has to be terminated because he absolutely wants a son or daughter, and I will not promise from the beginning. Is it sad? Of course. But if it is different, wise to force? Got a child or not is a life-changing decision, and I can not recklessly say yes.
Maybe one day, I will regret never containing and raising the baby. But instead of failing to love the childalone, it's better to regret something that never happened
prepare this when it will resign
Several times friends wonder at my unambiguous views on the prospect of being a mother. Probably because most of them always wanted to be parents, and because the desire to have children was so common that it was easy to assume that everyone was like that.
They often ask, "You're not afraid of it when you're old and you do not have a child?"
Scared, scared. I am afraid one day finally have a desire to conceive and raise a baby, but it is too old for that. Every fear like this comes to mind, what I usually do is to remember. Better to expect something that is no longer possible then regret - rather than having children then fail. Too many parents in this world abandon their child. I just do not want to be one of them.